It may be an indication of my age but I can remember an advert for Turkish Delight that featured a tag line stating that it was ‘full of eastern promise’. Come to think of it the Flake adverts weren’t exactly subtle either. You may wonder how this connects to dating advice so let me tell you. I’ve got close friends in advertising and you can bet that if there’s a way of working sex into an ad they’ll find it. There’s a reason for this. If you are looking for great dating advice then those ads. hold some helpful clues. If you’d like to know how to use it to your advantage then please read on.
Dating Tips for You
Like it or not, you live in a society that is largely fixated on sex. I’m guessing this isn’t news to you, you’re bombarded with semi-erotic images all day long. Yes, it can be distracting but the good news is that it’s not just the sexual act that people are fixated upon but the promise of sex. Just watch some adverts, they’re clearly not offering you great sex but the suggestion is there. Particularly the ads marketing to the age group of most of the dating advice clients I work with.
Warning: Contention alert.
This is going to be contentious and if it bothers you then please just bear with me. I hate to say this but it seems to me that quite a few of the women that end up taking my courses or working privately with me aren’t exactly relaxed around being sexual beings or even talking about it. It’s almost as if being out of a relationship means that their bodies become off-limits. This can actually be quite literal, one of my female clients, Julie, ( name changed) was so crushed by the loss of a relationship that she slept fully clothed as the feeling of being naked and alone was unbearable. She really just didn’t want to know about her body as it just reminded her of how alone she felt.
Guide-To-FlirtingI believe we all need to take time to get over a significant relationship but women tend to wait too long before getting back into dating. The standard guide is that we need about a month to get over a person for each year we were together. If it’s taking longer than that then it may be wise to get some assistance. Julie had been in this phase for 18 months and even she knew she had to change.
Time To Give Out The Glow
Peta Heskell in ‘Flirt Coach’ talks about ‘Giving out the glow.’ She’s the only person I’ve seen dare to say in print that there’s a certain energy that comes off a sexually active person that people find attractive. Sometimes if you’ve been single a while it’s as if the sexual pilot light goes out and you just get busy with just getting on with life. Having spoken with clients about this for years I know that this is a real phenomenon. Julie had been working with me for a couple of months and getting nowhere fast on the dating front.
She couldn’t understand why she was getting no interest from men or being asked out, and frankly having seen her photo neither could I. When we talked about sex, however, it turned out that she hadn’t had sex with a partner for over 18 months and felt sad and a bit guilty about masturbation so she wasn’t doing that either. She had managed to turn into someone who came across as totally A-sexual. Which most men interpret as either not interested or just not interesting. What it appears to boil down to is that if you’re going to live like a nun people will treat you like one. No offense intended to my nun readers but don’t be holding your breath waiting for a guy to make a move.
Turning The Light Back On
Through internet dating, Julie met a man who she fancied but clearly wasn’t husband material. He expressed an interest in having sex, something along the lines of ‘ I doesn’t really see a future for us but I’ve got some very exciting fantasies about you.’ Given her desire to reawaken her sexual spark she decided to go with it. The week after, having changed nothing else, she was getting more male attention than she’d had in the last six months.
Having taught Yoga for so many years in the past. I see things most people miss. Women who used to walk into class looking a little shut down or grey, one day, generally after a couple of months, there is a significant change; they brighten up, stand differently and suddenly the men in the room are finding them a lot more distracting. Sometimes it’s because they’ve just got a boyfriend and their feel-good hormones are raging and sometimes it’s just because they’ve reconnected with their bodies. As Peta says ‘ We are all sexual beings’. Sometimes it just needs to be re-awakened. If you want some concrete ideas then check out my dating advice tips below.
Trauma And Abuse
So what am I saying? I hear you ask. If you feel you need to, then it’s time to reawaken your sexual energy. Fortunately, intercourse isn’t the only way to reawaken your sexuality, you have lots of great options. I’m sure you can use your imagination to think up some alternatives. Dreaming up new ways has got to be better than the work that I’ve interrupted you from ;-). If the whole idea is distasteful for you then you’re going to need help, it’s not my intention to burn any bridges here but let me just say some of you are not single by accident whether you know it or not. You may have some trauma or abuse incident in your past that’s really holding you back and I’d be happy to help.
So what I’m talking about here is just one area of dating advice on what I refer to as the dating wheel, it’s one element of your market value. If you’re struggling with being single or know someone else that is I’m hoping this has been helpful. If it’s not your issue take a look at my website and see if you can figure out what is. Enjoy your homework! Don’t worry, no one else needs to know, I can keep a secret.
Top Dating Tips
Decide to get physical. It’s important to get back into your body in such a way you become excited about it. Ideally, it would become something you view as such a great treasure that any bloke who gets to share it, with you, is truly blessed. It may be that you start Yoga, Salsa, Ceroc (the ultimate choice for those of us with two left feet), or maybe even a belly dancing class. Although given you’re out there looking for a partner I suggest you go for partnered type dance classes because if nothing else you’re going to get at least a little physical contact you like. Just having your hand held can be very good for your spirit.
Start to play around sexually. Some of my clients are very shy around the subject of sex and have lost partners on the basis of not being adventurous enough. One of my jobs is to free them up a little, please keep in mind I only work on the phone so there’s nothing ‘nasty’ going on! I believe there’s a whole language around sex and seduction, either you can speak it or you can’t. As a woman, it ups your market value hugely with most men if you can. Pick up one of the more tasteful erotic novels and see if there’s anything you can learn from it. Aim for the stuff written by women for women, at least in the beginning. You would do well to learn the linguistical loveliness of luscious language.
If you can become his favorite fantasy without feeling like you’re lowering yourself then you’ll be married in weeks. There are ways of having conversations with a man, particularly if you are really, really interested that guarantee you his full attention. Learn this and you’ll be kicking butt and taking names.
For the men who managed to read this far let me just say that approached correctly women are eager to have you relight their sexual pilot light.